Someone to tape the lidoderm patches to the back of my neck. A professional wallpaperer gently applying the cool sticky side with focused precision: no wrinkles.
Someone who makes sure absolutely none of my hair will get caught between my skin and the patch and/or tape.
Someone who will pay for the prescription strength with the almost-Tiffany-blue and white package branding.
Someone who knows it’s actually unadvisable to apply them to the neck but will do it anyway. Because my migraine pain and need for relief are that great.
And we shall call him Patches.